still alone

trying to get rid of the feeling of loneliness is a hard thing to do. i really would like to find a nice guy that would be great right about now. but im sure ill be lucky and spend another valentines days alone again......i think this is the  most hated holiday in my book right next to thanksgiving. ah the wonders of men! they say we are complicated i think they are!

The perfect guy in the end or not?

Do we ever get the guy of our dreams or not? If we wait long enough and are patient enough? Or do we just seattle for what is ok and deal with the rest later? I think its a combination of both! I seattled for what i had at the time and now im going to wait for what i truly want.....but are my views on my perfect man out of reach? are my expectations to high? i think they are a little......and my expectations for myself are way to low.....i am not the perfect person.....

its sad i dont need you anymore, but im so much happier now

i was just thinking the other day how happy i am now i mean i was happy when i was married i think then if you truly think about it most of us try to mold ourselves so that person our partner will like us more, but the truth of the matter is that after i had my daughter i lost who i was and now slowly after a couple of years i am finally finding myself again...what i like and dont like especially in a guy! i have found things i have missed about myself, but also realized how much i have changed as a person having a kid. I am a introvert now instead of a extrovert.....im afraid to meet new people........is this something most people experience after having a baby? and do we as mothers use our children to shield us for meeting new people? like usually i am fine if my daughter  is with me....but if im alone in public meeting new people i freak out......why does this happen? and will i ever grow out of it? I have so much to say but i am so shy i shut up and dont speak but my mind is saying so much. Another thing ive realized i will step out of the way and do something that may make me sad so a friend can be happy......why? maybe this is who i am and i am happy when everyone else is happy and im miserable...i honestly think that one is from years of habit....so much easier to blame yourself if someone is angry for no reason! and why do bdays suck when you get older? hrmmm???? no one seems to want to do anything with you or even bake you a cake...why do we lose sense? its sad :(

Ah the birthday the wont happen again

So this month is my birthday ......all i want for my bday is a nice guy i know what i want in him and even his looks i guess....a nice guy who wants to stay in the miilitary forever....a lifer...a e5 or above or even a officer.......someone who is taller than me but not super skinny clean cut shaves everyday.....tattoos arnt even a requirment...doesnt play video games and like being with his family......whos family is super nice and excepting.....but i dont think they are real ha ha ha so i will never find mr.right.....oh well right? oh to wait how much my bday is a bust....gnight!

this problem will never go away........will it?

so i keep running into the same problem over and over again no matter what the site......older men trying to just have casual sex with 20 something year olds......hmmmmm which i wouldnt mind maybe a 10 year difference but this is a 20-40 year difference. These ppl are my parents and grandparents age. i guess all the men my age dont care and only want younger women...the whole find, fu*k, and forget or older courger women who can pay for everything. so what am i to do as a single mother? i guess im supposed to be single for a while before a guy comes along who actually wants to stick around. Maybe ill find someone in 10 years or something....but who knows.....i guess pipe dreams dont ever come true....so are we to make a new one? or are we supposed to still follow the one we originally wanted since we were small children? What are yours? where did they go? did you ever get what you wanted or are you delaying then for some reason?

men of a certain age....

why do older men feel the need to find a women 20 years younger than them...and only to have sex with? lets be honest i dont think they care to have a family again and start over or a real relationship life at that point is just sex and finding their young streak again......so why go to all the trouble well youll always find one girl who is low in self esteem! so at that point its easy to get what you want and when i say in low in self esteem  i mean a girl is who use to rejection and always eager to please everyone else. so in the end everyone standards are lowered and someone gets laid and someone feels like shit......its the cycle of life!

the song of my heart

i love how some songs say exactly what your feeling, but when you try and express this to a person it doesnt come out at all........then when you try to show them by a song they dont think your serious....How do you solve this problem? i honestly dont think in life you can if they believe you then they do, but for the most part people just listen someone else...like having a little devil in your ear....and we do this for acceptence by the people we call our friends, now im not saying that they are bad they can help you look at the other side so you can make a more informed decision and a better one.....but the song of my heart if always sad....why never happy? you tell me